Healthy Parent/Child Connection: How to Foster Secure Attachment

Healthy Parent/Child Connection

Cultivating a secure attachment with your child can help them to lead happier lives. It can also help with their overall emotional and mental health.

But, what does secure attachment actually look like? How can it really help the relationship between you and your child?

Let’s take a look at why bonding with your child effectively is so important, as well as what you can do to create that secure attachment. When you’re able to do that, you’re setting up an immensely positive impact on your child’s overall emotional well-being for the rest of their lives.

What Is Attachment Bond?

An attachment bond isn’t about what you do to care for your child. It’s not about feeding them the right things or going to the park with them.

While these things are important areas of parenting, an attachment bond refers to attunement and connection with your child. This is especially important when your child is an infant.

A secure attachment is just that—it helps your child to feel safe, secure and understood.

And when your child feels safe, they’ll be more eager to learn, trust, and be empathetic toward others. They’ll also likely be more self-aware.

Conversely, when your child doesn’t develop a secure attachment with you (or their primary caretaker), the opposite effect can take place. They might experience emotional or mental setbacks. They may also have difficulties forming relationships when they get older and be more untrusting.

How to Develop Secure Attachment with Your Child

For some parents, fostering a secure attachment will happen very naturally. Others may need to put in more work to ensure their child does feel safe, secure, and calm.

You don’t have to be a perfect parent to develop this bond. Again, it’s about tuning into your child’s needs.  

The best thing you can do to foster this bond is to make sure your child realizes they’re understood, no matter their age. Tuning into your infant consistently when they cry lets them know you’re there and that they are safe. In turn, this gives them a sense of trust and predictability of their caregiver and in turn the world. 

But, if you have an older child and you could use some work in strengthening your secure attachment, hope isn’t lost. Developing and strengthening this attachment can happen at almost any age.

A child’s brain is constantly growing and changing. So, it’s never too late to attune to your child and their needs and feelings—even if they’re already in their teens!

The Difference Of a Secure Attachment Bond

A secure attachment bond differs slightly from regular “bonding” with your child. It is less task-oriented and typically is responding to what your child is telling or verbally and non-verbally. It’s slower-paced and focuses more on the child’s connection with you, rather than your connection with the child.

When you’re developing secure attachment, you’ll also be more focused on the moment. A secure attachment lets your child know you’re here for them right now, and that’s all that matters.

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If you’d like to learn more about secure attachment or how to foster secure attachment with your child, feel free to contact us.

Remember, it’s never too late to nurture this kind of connection with your child, even if they’re older. But you must have the right resources to do it. One of the best things you can do is to attune to your child so they feel secure in their life.

Executive Functioning Challenges: How Issues Manifest in Your Child’s Behavior

Executive Functioning Challenges: How Issues Manifest in Your Child’s Behavior

Executive functioning skills help a child do everything from controlling their emotions to managing their time. They are essential for problem-solving, and they help children to stay focused.

So, when a child is dealing with executive functioning challenges, it can cause problems at school, at home, and in their social relationships.

It’s important to understand that executive functioning skills develop at different rates for different children. But, if your child is experiencing ADHD-like symptoms (often associated with executive functioning challenges) that are inappropriate for their age, taking a closer look can help you to get them back on the right track.

What Are the Common Signs of Executive Functioning Challenges?

These challenges manifest themselves in different types of behaviors. It depends on your child’s age and where they are in terms of development. For example, a preschooler won’t have the same issues as a highschooler.

With that in mind, let’s look at some of the signs to look for at various stages of your child’s life.

Preschool Age

A preschooler may have frequent tantrums for no reason. They may have a hard time adjusting to something new or unexpected or get frustrated easily and refuse to ask for help.

Elementary School Age

As a child gets older and more communicative, these signs change. A child in elementary school may display some of the following:

  • Easily distracted
  • Inflexible: trouble with changes to a specific plan or expectation
  • Difficulty managing emotions

Middle and High School Age

Middle and highschoolers can also face executive functioning challenges. It’s often easy to overlook some of these symptoms or write them off as typical teenage behavior. But, if your high school-aged child is exhibiting these behaviors, it could be an indication of something more serious.

Some of the most common signs include:

  • Trouble getting through tests
  • Starts behaving impulsively 
  • Loses track of time easily
  • Gets upset quickly over minor issues

If your child is showing these type of behaviors at any age, getting to the bottom of what they’re really feeling can make life easier for both of you.

The CPS Model

If you’re worried your child might have executive functioning issues, the next step to take is to get a full evaluation. Speak with their doctor and discuss different treatment options.

One thing you can do is to consider implementing Dr. Ross Greene’s evidence based model called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model at home.

This model creates a partnership between you and your child. You’ll work together to get to the bottom of the issues they’re facing. They’ll need to use your executive functioning skills to build theirs.

Kids who have executive functioning challenges are often just trying to express how they feel when their expectations aren’t met. Unfortunately, many of these behaviors can be really challenging. So, the CPS model helps you both to better understand those expectations. Then, you can help your child learn how to solve the problems they’re dealing with.

That doesn’t mean you try to solve those problems for your child or offer a reward system of any kind.

Instead, this model is about teaching your child how to solve those problems so they can eventually manage these behaviors on their own. When they don’t learn effective ways to do that, the challenges can continue on as they get older and may become harder to handle.

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If you have a child who is struggling with effective functioning challenges or you’re not sure why they’re behaving a certain way, please contact us. We’re happy to offer you more information on these challenges as well as the CPS model. And if you’re looking for help, we can work together on collaboration methods you can use with your child to get to the core of their behavioral issues.

Understanding Children’s Behaviors: What Is Normal? What Is Not?

Understanding Children’s Behaviors: What Is Normal? What Is Not?

Understanding the difference between normal and abnormal behavior in children isn’t always easy.

Every child is different. Some children take longer to develop certain behaviors than others.

The easiest way to understand what normal behaviors in children are is to familiarize yourself with child development. Understanding different milestones can give you a clearer picture of where your child’s behavior should be.

Of course, what’s considered “normal” also depends on your child’s age. You wouldn’t expect the same behaviors from a teenager and a kindergartener.

With that in mind, it’s important to pay attention to some key warning signs when it comes to the unhealthy behavior of your child. The earlier you’re able to recognize some of these signs, the sooner you can take action to redirect their behavior.

And that makes it easier to work to counteract anomalous behaviors before they become bigger issues.

What Is Normal Behavior?

Again, normal behavior varies depending on your child’s age and their personal development. Let’s take a quick look at the healthy behaviors of different age groups.

  • Preschool: While your child might be exercising their right to say “no,” they should have more control over their emotions at four or five years old than they did as an infant. Temper tantrums shouldn’t happen as often. When they do, they shouldn’t last as long.
  • Grade school: When your child is anywhere from six to nine years old, they might have some difficulty understanding their own emotions and how to handle them. This is a crucial time for guiding your child on how to do different things to handle their feelings. Don’t worry if they sometimes feel frustrated or anxious.
  • Middle school: It’s normal for children around twelve years old to feel more independent. As a result, they can start to be more argumentative with their parents. It’s important for parents not to overreact to these first signs of autonomous thinking.
  • High school: Teenage children go through a lot of changes in just a few years. They feel a lot more independent but still need the guidance of their parents. They should have enough self-discipline and sense of responsibility to be able to get things done, and they also need to understand the consequences of breaking rules.

Warning Signs of Behavioral Issues

If your child doesn’t necessarily exhibit all of the normal milestones listed above, it doesn’t have to be an immediate cause for worry. Children develop emotionally at different rates. What you can focus on, instead, are some clearer signs that there might be a behavioral problem (at any age).

Some of these warning signs include:

  • Emotional outbursts/difficulty handling or expressing emotions
  • Trouble managing impulsive behaviors and decisions
  • Aggression and misbehavior at school
  • Self-harm
  • Talk of suicide
  • Inappropriate sexual behaviors

You know your child better than anyone else. Seeing these changes or inappropriate behaviors can be a sure warning sign that something is emotionally wrong. That’s why it’s so important to pay attention to even subtle changes in your child and the way they act and respond to certain situations.

How to Address Unhealthy Behaviors

Many times, a child’s abnormal behavior can be corrected by changing the way you discipline them. Children don’t always respond positively to the consequences parents give them. In these cases, you may need to take a different approach to receive a more acceptable response from your child.

If your child is struggling with more serious behavioral issues, they could need professional help. In fact, if your child’s behavior has started to change significantly and nothing you do is working, counseling can be your most effective strategy.

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Please feel free to contact us if you’re not sure how to handle your child’s behavioral issues. We can work with them (and you) to focus on possible underlying causes. Then, we can help guide you on how to address the negative behaviors and get your child back on the right developmental track.

How Does Attachment Impact a Child’s Development?

How Does Attachment Impact a Child’s Development?

Attachment refers to the emotional bond that develops between a child and their caregiver—usually a parent.

It develops via interaction between the parent and child, both emotionally and behaviorally. Hence, when a child—especially an infant—expresses a need for comfort, attention, or security, the response of a parent will impact that child’s sense of attachment.

So, just how important is attachment when it comes to a child’s development?

The relationship a child develops with their primary caregiver is an extremely influential bond, reaching far into their future.

Consider some details.

How Does Attachment Work?

Attachment develops over time as the relationship between a child and caregiver grows and the child understands how that person will respond to their needs.

There are four stages of attachment:

  1. An infant responds to anyone who gives them attention/contact
  2. A baby develops reactions (coos, babbles, etc.) to specific people in their lives
  3. An infant shows behaviors of attachment with the primary caregiver
  4. The primary caregiver and the baby end up influencing one another’s behavior

An important part of the “third” stage of attachment is also the idea that your child might feel anxious when you’re gone. Many parents experience this when they have to drop off their baby at a daycare or with a family member, etc.

How a child reacts when you return to them is an extremely important thing to observe when it comes to their attachment behavior. If they run to you happily, it signifies they feel safe, secure, and comfortable around you. If they seem indifferent or don’t want to return to your care, it could be a sign that they don’t feel as bonded.

How Important Is Attachment for Child Development?

Attachment is crucial for child development. Children with strong attachments are able to better control their emotions, even in high-stress situations. They’re also typically more confident, and they are more socially aware of what’s going on around them and how to manage their feelings.

Most importantly, though, children who have a positive and secure attachment with a caregiver or parent learn better social skills. A caregiver who is responsive, consistent, shows love and attention to a child is helping their child develop a sense of worth.

As a child continues to grow, they recognize that, and that sense of worth makes it easier for them to be empathetic. It also helps them to form strong relationships with peers as they get older.

What If a Child Develops an Attachment Disorder?

If a child is not in an environment where they receive regular attention and care, they could develop an attachment disorder.

This can cause symptoms like:

  • Fear
  • Anxiety
  • Sadness
  • No social interaction
  • Not seeking comfort from others

As you might expect, when it comes to proper child development, these aren’t the kind of characteristics that lead to learning healthy social skills and feeling confident and loved.

Children with an attachment disorder may develop attachment issues in relationships as an adult as well. They may also struggle with other emotional issues, such as anxiety, fear, low self-esteem, or even depression.

Many times, therapy or counseling benefits adults who didn’t bond with a caregiver at a young age. It allows them to work through the underlying cause of some of their problems so they can start to feel a stronger sense of self-worth. And that, in turn, will help them with other relationships.

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Clearly, a positive attachment relationship helps children developmentally. But it also lays the framework for them to have healthy relationships in the future. That’s why secure attachment is such a crucial part of your child’s growth and well-being, especially during their early stages of life. Forming that bond now and assuring your child that they are loved, cared for, and protected, will have lasting positive effects.

If you’re interested in learning more about attachment, please feel free to contact us.

Screen Time: Balancing the Benefits and Risks for Children’s Mental Health

Screen Time: Balancing the Benefits and Risks for Children's Mental Health

Excessive screen time can have detrimental effects on the mental well-being of pre-teens and children. However, when used in moderation and with appropriate guidance, screens can also offer educational and social benefits. Here’s a closer look at the potential impacts:

Drawbacks of Excessive Screen Time

  • Increased risk of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues: Studies have found that children and adolescents who spend more than 7 hours per day on screens are more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression or anxiety compared to those with 1 hour or less of daily screen time.
  • Disrupted sleep patterns: The blue light emitted by screens can suppress melatonin production, leading to sleep disturbances and insufficient REM sleep, which can impact cognitive function and emotional regulation.
  • Impaired social development: Excessive passive screen time can displace opportunities for face-to-face interactions, outdoor play, and other activities crucial for developing social skills and emotional intelligence.
  • Exposure to inappropriate content: Without proper supervision and parental controls, children may encounter cyberbullying, violence, or age-inappropriate material online, which can negatively impact their mental health and development.

Potential Benefits of Moderate, Guided Screen Time

  • Educational opportunities: Age-appropriate educational apps, videos, and online resources can supplement traditional learning methods and cater to diverse interests and learning styles.
  • Social connections: Video chatting and social media can help children stay connected with friends and family, fostering a sense of community and belonging, especially for those with marginalized identities or long-distance relationships.
  • Creativity and self-expression: Digital platforms can provide outlets for children to explore their interests, create content, and share their work with others.

Recommendations for Balanced Screen Time

  • Follow age-appropriate guidelines: The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommends no screens for children under 18-24 months (except video chatting), 1 hour per day for ages 2-5, and reasonable limits set by parents for ages 6 and older.
  • Prioritize quality content: Choose educational, age-appropriate, and interactive content over passive viewing or mindless scrolling.
  • Encourage co-viewing and co-engagement: Watch educational videos together, play interactive games, and discuss online content to foster meaningful interactions.
  • Set boundaries and model healthy habits: Establish screen-free times (e.g., during meals, before bedtime), encourage regular breaks for physical activity, and be mindful of your own device usage as a role model.

By striking a balance between screen time and real-world experiences, parents can help children develop a healthy relationship with technology while safeguarding their mental well-being.

Prioritizing Moments for Connection with Your Pre-Teen

Prioritizing Moments for Connection with Your Pre-Teen

As children enter those pre-teen years, it can often feel like they are pulling away and closing themselves off. They are going through an intense period of physical, emotional, and social changes. While this is a natural stage, it’s more important than ever to prioritize quality connection time with your pre-teen. Staying engaged and making them feel heard can have a big positive impact on their mental health and wellbeing.

Why Connection Matters for Pre-Teen Mental Health

The pre-teen and early teen years can be a tumultuous and confusing time. Young people are dealing with bodily changes, fluctuating emotions, evolving social dynamics, and increasing academic demands. It’s easy for stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues to take root during this transitional phase.Having a strong, supportive connection with parents and family can provide pre-teens with a vital sense of security, belonging, and self-worth as they navigate these challenges. Quality time connecting one-on-one allows you to listen to their thoughts and feelings, offer guidance and reassurance, and remind them of their value. This can help them build resilience and a healthy self-image.

Ideas for Connecting with Your Pre-Teen

With busy schedules and the lure of digital distractions, it takes intentional effort to create meaningful bonding moments. Try incorporating some of these ideas:

Schedule Regular One-on-One Time 

Put a weekly or bi-weekly outing, just the two of you, on the calendar. It could be grabbing a meal, seeing a movie, going for a hike, or any activity you can enjoy together undisturbed.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Get them talking about their interests, experiences, dreams, and perspectives by asking questions that can’t be answered with a one-word response. Be an engaged listener.

Share Your Own Stories

Open up about your pre-teen struggles and how you dealt with challenges. This builds trust and shows you can relate to their experiences.

Do an Activity Together

Work on a puzzle, play a sport, cook a meal, or pursue a hobby you mutually enjoy. The shared experience and teamwork can strengthen your bond.

Put Down Devices

Make your connection time a device-free zone so you can be fully present with each other.

Praise Their Efforts

Notice and compliment the things they are working hard on, not just accomplishments. This nurtures their self-esteem.The pre-teen years are filled with ups and downs, but making your child feel loved, understood, and supported through quality bonding can have a lasting positive impact on their mental health journey. Small, consistent efforts to connect can make a big difference.